Dealing with parents dating after death
People did not relinquish love, and love even enabled some of them to survive the horror and death around them.
Death is perceived to be associated with love in various ways.
Romantic love is a central expression of a good, meaningful, and flourishing life.
Without love and desire, many people feel that a large part of them is dead.
The lover is perceived to be "the sunshine of my life," and for many, without such sunshine, decay and death are all around.
Even in one of the darkest periods of history, the Holocaust, people fell in love, despite the risks of expressing it.
Her love expresses the nonexclusive nature of love more than it does its replaceable nature. I wasn't experiencing the feelings that I had 27 years ago. The creation of a new loving relationship involves both the capacity to let go and to hold on to the previous relationship, thus creating a new equilibrium (see here).
Thus, one widow writes: "'Second love' is different, but it's very good. It's really hard to understand sometimes how I can go from tears for my late husband into smiling and thinking of my new guy. When C came along and we started dating, it was different. I wasn't feeling that ‘if I don't see him today I think I'll die' emotion. Like other people, a widow yearns for her lover to come back, but unlike others, she knows it is impossible.
(Most of the claims presented here apply to widowers as well.) Adapting to a new lover The case of a widow's love for a new person is different to that which pertains when a regular love affair occurs after a previous one has ended. These concerns about intimacy arise from the anxiety that they might lose someone again, their fear of opening up to new relationships, and their concerns about not maintaining fidelity to the deceased spouse; all these issues enhance their tendency to avoid intimacy.The love felt for the late spouse is likely to increase in light of the prevailing idealization of the relationship and of the spouse. Although love for the deceased spouse may increase as times goes by, a certain disengagement from constant occupation with the deceased occurs over time, facilitating attempts to adapt to the new relationship.Although a new love might physically replace the previous one, from a psychological viewpoint, the widow will now love two people at the same time. The connection to the deceased spouse is likely to remain throughout the widow's life, but its nature will undergo many changes.It is true that profound love is less likely to perish, but it can perish nevertheless. But that doesn't mean that it's not love." The important lesson to be drawn from Janine's moving description is that love can be different; looking for the same love with another partner can be devastating, as no two people are identical.Hence, there is no reason to assume that one's heart is not big enough to include several genuine loves in one's life. It is not wrong that your new love is different from the previous one.
In most cases of widowhood, if there was a positive attitude toward the spouse during his lifetime, this is enhanced. In a sense, the new lover brings the widow back to life.