Ten simple rules to dating my daughter
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me.You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.Put on a Depends, and safely begin hysterical laughter.In Brucespeak, children are supposed to laugh out loud taking your guidance.Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.(Good luck.) Or maybe you once were a teenage daughter.Or maybe you have an antique table that's crooked and need something about an inch thick to put under one of the legs.Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.
If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.